Saying goodbye to a year of your life comes with a lot of feelings, doesn’t it? Maybe that’s why I was never the biggest fan of this holiday. Bidding farewell to good memories, great experiences and my dwindling youth has always felt bittersweet.

This year taught some particularly hard lessons that left me softer than I’ve ever been. It tested my family’s strength, and I think, by the grace of God, we passed. And while normally, I’d want to hurry out a year that didn’t obey the “good vibes only” rule like a bad guest, I’m having mixed feelings with sending this year packin’.

Part of me wants to keep it around a little longer to thank it for what it did to my heart, my faith and my family. And I guess when I put it that way, it sounds a lot like Stockholm Syndrome, but, we’ll work through that later.

Another part of me wants to send it far enough down the road that I can still keep an eye on it to make sure it can’t pull any more shit. But more importantly, I don’t want to lose sight of all the good that came from this year. The new doors that were opened up to rooms I’ve always wanted to be in. The new confidence that lives in my voice that maybe only I can notice, but, is there nonetheless. A family that is truly closer than we’ve ever been. Old relationships that have come alive again and new ones that are just beginning. And most importantly, a renewed faith in God because of things I witnessed with my own eyes.

The clock says I can’t hold onto this year any longer even if I wanted to, so I’ll just give it one last nod of gratitude, because holy shit am I grateful. And I’ll look ahead to the new year with an open heart, a little less skepticism than usual, and hope that more important lessons can be learned…maybe through a book or a podcast this time instead of traumatic life events, if possible!

Cheers to the new year. I hope it brings you everything you’re working toward and more.